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A Woman's Account of the One Night Stand Thing

by Anne-Sophie Dumont

I opened my eyes to the glaring digits of my alarm clock telling me it was already three o'clock in the afternoon. As I stretched, determined to get out of my overwhelmingly comfortable bed, I smiled at how flawlessly last night's plan had gone. It all began when I woke up yesterday morning, alone in my double sized bed, hugging my teddy bear. All I wanted was sex, it had been too long. Throughout the day, sex was all I could think of. So I decided to test out the age-old rule my guy friends were telling me about: "A girl can always get it when she wants it". I wanted to see if this was really true, plus I wanted to get laid. I had nothing to lose; either I got laid or have a good night with my friends and go home to my vibrator - never a bad night in my book.

So, I called up my girlfriends (It should go without saying that I can't go out with the guys if I want to pick up), told them I wanted to party and set a time to meet them over on Boulevard Saint Laurent. So I got ready. Shower, shave, and a sexy outfit with a low cut top and I was all set to go. As soon as we got to the bar I got myself a drink and started scooping out the merchandise (yes, guys we do sometimes look at you like objects). A guy at the end of the bar caught my eye and it was settled. He was going to be my prey. I sat at the table with my friends, sipping my drink, and making eye contact. He was still looking, and I knew that my hook had caught. Now it was time to reel him in. I finished my drink, and stood to go to the bar for another. As I walked over, I made sure to make eye contact one more time, this last glance reeled him in. He was coming over to see me. He probably thought he was picking me up, but he was playing into my plan. A little flirting at the bar got me a free drink, and would definitely get him into bed. A few light touches of the arm and that was enough to let him know I was interested.

As the night progressed, we chatted a bit, talked about random crap, none of which I remember, because I wasn't really interested or listening, and then I made my move. "Where are you heading after this?" code for "do you want to have sex?" "I'm not sure, home maybe, you?" ("YES"). Now this was the crucial moment. Personally I won't bring a one night stand back to my place. So I had to be a bit more forward. "I'm not sure, where do you live?" ("I'll come back to your place with you") "not too far" "Well, lets go then." And it was settled. Phase one was complete, I got the guy. Phase two is the easy part; I don't think I have ever met a guy who will say no to sex. I kept my fingers crossed hoping that he was good in bed. That's one of the risks of going home with a random guy, hoping that they would have at least a basic training of the female anatomy, and that the sex is actually worth your time.

The walk to his place is always the most awkward part, and last night was no exception. I never know what to talk about. All the small talk is wasted at the bar and we both know what we are headed for. Once at his place, I took of my coat and shoes, and asked for a tour of the house. I find that a tour is the easiest segway from the front door to the bedroom, because if he is smart at all that's where the tour ends. Well, my man of the evening knew the game well, and we ended our tour in his room.

At this point I was ready and sick of all the games, so rather than sit awkwardly at the end of the bed, I just started to kiss him at the door to his room. I figure that during a one night stand the best thing is to let go of all inhibitions. In my mind, as soon as the sex is done, so is my relationship with him. As we were kissing he pushed me up against the wall, taking charge, and started to take off my clothes. So far, so good, I like a guy with a bit of force and to be completely honest; I want to exert as little effort as possible at this point. He moved me to the bed and just like a good boy, went down on me. Not the best I've had but it'll do. He stopped, got up, and turned on his back; this is where a guy will usually expect head. Now, some of you might enjoy it, some of you might feel obligated to give it, but in this situation I would just as well avoid it all together. His head wasn't good enough to warrant a blow job. The best way to avoid this is to bring his mind back to sex, so I offered up a condom (Obviously, always use protection on a one night stand!). By this time he had completely forgotten about his blow job and was ready to go in, so to speak. I was lucky because I got a twenty-five minute ride, which was very enjoyable but didn't result in an orgasm.

I smiled at him and went to gather my clothes. With thanks, I departed without asking for his number or offering up mine. This late in the game there is no reasons in pretending you want more. Mission accomplished. My guy friends were right, it's not that hard, and can definitely be fun, occasionally. Only a couple minor repercussions; a slight hangover and the loss of a day's work.

Getting your NYE tickets here is simpler than shopping for shoes. Guaranteed.

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