Updated on the 1st of every month 
I am one of those girls who shamefully reads her lovers’ horoscope in hope that I will get some kind of insight into their personality. When a new study came out this year on the meaning of sleeping positions, I was all over it. An inner clock would wake me up in the middle of the night just so I could analyze my latest lover’s slumber. While I’m embarrassed to admit that I take it seriously, so far, based on personal experience, it has been fairly accurate. As the study goes, there are six main types of sleeping positions, the most common of which is the fetus. If you discover your lover in a womb-like slumber, chances are he’s the sensitive type, even if he appears tough on the surface. Fetus sleepers are known to be shy initially but become more open as they get to know you. From personal experience, I tend to find fetus-sleeping males to be mama’s boys (a little womb-obsessed, so go figure), but all in all they are decent guys. Unfortunately for me, they end up being only friend material. A guy who sleeps like a log—flat on his back with his arms at his sides—is a different breed altogether. Log sleepers are generally very laid back people who love to socialize and bask in the glory of being the center of attention. They are incredibly trusting but fear coming across as gullible. If your bedmate resembles a log, he most likely still has a high school-esque obsession with popularity. While this can be charming, there’s nothing more irritating than dating a guy who has an entourage of at least ten friends following him everywhere. A close cousin to the log, the yearner, sleeps on his side and rests his arms at a 90 degree from the body with his elbows slightly bent. Like log sleepers, yearners are very open, social people, but they tend to be much more suspicious and cynical. They are inquisitive and never make decisions rashly. When they do make a decision, however, they commit themselves to it. As a lover of all things cynical, I have a weakness for the yearner. My last lover slept in this position, and he was probably the funniest guy I’ve ever dated. If you are unlike me and find yourself partial to the quiet type, you best find yourself a soldier, but there’s no need to join the army to do it. Soldier sleepers lie flat on their backs with their arms down at their sides. Personality-wise, they don’t care much for big social scenes preferring the intimacy of small get-togethers. They have very high standards, which they set for both themselves and for other people. If your lover is soldier, you can anticipate spending a lot of quiet evenings at home. On the other end of the spectrum, there’s the free-falling sleeper. If you’ve ever dated a real asshole, try to resurrect an image of him sleeping. It’s a good bet he sleeps in this position: flat on his stomach with his hands resting up near the pillow. Pursuing a relationship with a free-faller, in my opinion, is bad idea. They are known to be gregarious, aggressive, and loud. Despite having such a harsh nature, they have the added bonus of being incredibly sensitive to criticism and lash out when they don’t like what they hear. One of my worst relationships was with a free-falling sleeper, and I now plan to identify them early on and get out as soon as possible. And then there is the starfish sleeper, the holy grail of lovers. Starfish, as the name implies, sleep on their backs with their arms and legs stretched out. Starfish are very perceptive of other people’s feelings and are always there to listen and be of help. To make this mate even more perfect, starfish do not like being the center of attention. They will be the wind beneath your wings, to quote Bette Midler, always seeking to put you in the spotlight. But of course, as luck would have it, the starfish is the least common sleeping position, composed of only 6% of the male population and 3% of the female. Nevertheless, if you find an ever-elusive starfish, grab hold of one of his legs and don’t let go. And if you don’t want him anymore, please let me know. Archived Articles :: [ALL archived articles here]
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