Learn How to Master the Skills of Drinking
Getting ready to hit the books for another dull semester at university…boring? Seriously though, it is time for pre-back-to-school drinking binges. The major problems students (alcoholics) encounter is drinking way too much, which leaves you in a state of inebriation that makes it impossible to enjoy a night out with friends or the occasional roll in the hay. As all you business majors will (apparently) learn is that the name of the game is maximizing costs and minimizing profits – or is it the other way around? Anyway, efficiency is what it is all about and alcohol or drunkenness, more precisely, adheres to these same rules. So how do you become the ultimate drinking manager?
First, you must have a basic understanding about human anatomy. There are three ways that your alcohol depository (i.e.: your body) rids itself of ingested liquor: sweat, urine, but by far, most of the effort is done by the liver…ah faithful liver. When you drink, your liver goes into overdrive, but is only capable of processing so much at one time (Lazy bastard, step into my office…because you’re fucking fired). So basically, you get drunk because there is more alcohol in your blood than the liver can filter. If you start pounding back the drinks, you will be unaware of how drunk you really are (i.e.: you take the next drink before the first has had a chance to take effect) and you will be more intoxicated than planned. An interesting note: Passing out is the body’s natural way of regulating your alcohol intake – you pass out just before your blood-alcohol level is too high and you die of alcohol poisoning. Alcohol poisoning occurs if you drink way too much and way too quickly…the body doesn’t have time to realize your blood-alcohol level is dangerously high…sad but true.
What to do?
How do you maximize fun during drinking soirees? Well, there is two ways: the ‘fun way’ and the ‘traditional way’. The ‘fun way’ is to get tanked as much as possible as often as possible until your drinking limit (state of drunkenness that is most enjoyable) is learned. Once you’ve reached your breaking point (drinking limit), then drink you stick to water for the rest of the night.
The ‘traditional way’ involves you following the tips below:
Eat, eat, and eat some more.
If you drink on an empty stomach, there is nothing to absorb the alcohol. Thus, allowing the alcohol to go straight to your blood, and to your head. As a matter of fact, your tolerance can decrease by 1/2 if you drink on an empty stomach.
Alcohol does not affect you right away, in other words, it is not real-time. It takes a while for it to reach your brain. Also, as previously mentioned, your liver needs time to filter out the alcohol. By pacing yourself, you will be able to determine when you are reaching your limit.
Don’t mix drinks.
Although not inherently dangerous, for some reason, mixing drinks often leads to horror stories. If you have to mix, here is a rule of thumb that will help you: “Liquor before beer you are in the clear. Beer before liquor you’ll be sicker.”
Water is your friend. You should drink before you go to bed to reduce the hangover, and drink during the night.
Freshen your breath.
It doesn’t really help with the whole maximizing your drinking thing, but dude, your breath stinks when you are drunk…so always pack some gum.
Don’t play chicken.
Last but not least, never make someone force you to drink…drugs on the other hand? Succumbing to drinking pressures is stupid and will screw-up your drinking itinerary.
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