don't leave for NYE what you can do today
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Don't let your friends steal the entire NYE spotlight from you.





Why wait? Plan your New Years early.



Or how to say "nice ass" in French

So you think the ever-popular Voulez-vous couchez avec moi? mixed in with a couple (dozen?) of drinks is more than enough, but…errr…wait a minute…Anyway, French culture is a BIG part of Montreal and has a lot to offer so you might as well sit back and indulge in it. It is true that you can get by in Montreal using only English, but we had to fill this spot up, so here’s a quick and useful (or not) guide to French. And if you end-up getting laid as a result of this, you owe us $10 – Dr. Bender’s drinking habits don’t come cheap you know?

The Basics
  • Hello - Bonjour (If you’re anything like us, you’ll never get up in time to use it so stick to Bonsoir, it’s the same as Bonjour, but used in the evening)
  • The Subway - Le Métro (Anglophones have come to adopt this one, so you’d better use it too)
  • A pattio - Une Terrace (Anglophones have adopted this one too)
  • A BigMac with fries - Un BigMac avec une frite (We recommend ordering a poutine though)
  • Where am I? - Où est-ce-que je suis? (Now that’s a good fucking question!)

Finding Your Way
  • Where's my hotel? - Où est mon hôtel? (Unless you’re doing it hobo-style, this might come in handy)
  • Where's the (name of club/bar/lounge)? - Où est (name of club/bar/lounge)?
  • Where is the nearest bar/club? - Où est le bar/club le plus proche?
  • Where's the closest strip-club - Où est le club de danseuses le plus proche?
  • Dude, where's my car? - Il est ou mon char?

Starting/Finishing the Party
  • A pitcher please! - Un pichet S'il-vous-plait! (the 't' is silent)
  • A beer! - Une bière!
  • Can I have a contact dance? - Est-ce-que je peux (the 'x' is silent) avoir une danse à dix (the 'x' is silent).
  • Dude, I'm friggin' drunk! - Yo je suis tellement fait!
  • I gotta puke? - Je dois vomir!
  • I got to take a piss - Je dois aller pisser.

Flirting
  • Teach me French - Apprenez-moi le français (Little do they know, you’re already a master in French and are only using this line as bate…man is this guide brilliant or what?)
  • Your place or mine? - Chez toi ou chez moi?
  • Do you want to sleep with me tonight? - Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? (I you don’t already know this one, I would recommend visiting Toronto – it’s a tough, but fair punishment)
  • I love Quebecers!- J'aime les québecois (for males) / québecoises (for females)
  • Nice ass! - Beau cul!* (the 'l' is silent)

    * Speaking of which, where's this rock song in Quebec that goes: "Au Québec tout commence avec le cul et finit par un bec". It litterally means that in Quebec everything starts with some ass and finishes with a kiss...so rock on people, rock on...you've come to the right place!







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