Unfortunately, alcohol has become a crutch to us humans (ed. note: eh, I think Dr. Bender has been mixing with substances other than alcohol…). Alcohol has been used as a good (temporary) cure to broken hearts, down sides, and the social lubricant of choice – ranging from romantic candlelight dinners to drunken debaucheries. It has also become associated with – for guys in particular – reducing sexual inhibitions. In other words, to get the girl…nothing says doggy style on your roommate’s bed like a bottle of fine Porto – right Dr. Smooth?
However, the relationship is slightly more complicated than that – d’oh! Some nerds, up in a lab of some university spent most of their days getting people drunk and running tests on them (where do I sign-up?). As some of you may already know “the relationship between alcohol and sex is complex in part because the individual's responses to alcohol and to sexual stimuli involve complex psychological and physiological processes. Alcohol seems to have the paradoxical effects of enhancing and suppressing sexual responses, with the two effects reflecting the two processes.”…uh…right! Anyway, like I was saying nerds came up with this. The basic idea is that alcohol actually lowers your physical sexual arousal, but because we believe the opposite to be true, we get REALLY horny! They go on to state that this happens less in women. Basically, when guys are drunk they want to fuck like bunnies and women behave like normal humans…they are just more open to ideas.
Does this mean that all guys need to find something other than alcohol to get laid? No, although the urges in women are more suppressed, alcohol is an inhibitor. It basically lowers most brain and motor activity – including the brain activity that some people like to call reasoning. Therefore, women will more easily be interested in whatever boring crap you have to say (“wow, your GPA is that high?”) and will be more open to your freaky fantasies. You will, however, need some sort of picking-ups skills…that’s why the fat cat upstairs hired Dr. Smooth.
So what did we learn from this? Nothing much, but it was fun to “research” the article. Basically, guys like to screw and girls get to squash their hopes of that…even when they are drunk. At least we don’t have to wait in dreadfully long line-ups to go pee during a night of alcohol intake…hahaha…who gets the last laugh now!
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