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Planning for New Years now made easier than planning for a wedding.



by Dr. Smooth

I am weary of listening to women whine about bad sex and limp men, so I have decided to compile a top 10 list of Ways to Improve Your Sex Life. The reader must note that the list is mostly directed towards males, due to the fact that - as much as thou will protest - control the quality of sex, but I digress. So before we dive into ‘the list’, remember that these tips will not make you a better lover, instead if taking too seriously; it will make you a worse one. A tip worth remembering is that you can learn a lot from a woman; more specifically when it pertains to sex and its kin you should break out the pen and paper and jot down notes feverishly.

Other important tips to consider on improving your sex life - assuming that you are having sex - is to (1) discover what your partner likes and dislikes and (2) to be sexually comfortable with one another. This is because a woman’s sexual experience is psychological; therefore if she is comfortable with herself and your bag of sex tricks, then the battle, if this is what you perceive it to be, is won. So now that we got the critical part of the list out of harms way, let us move on with the…ummmm…lesser important tips to remember…

Ways to Improve Your Sex Life
  1. Place your demoiselle on the kitchen table – clean it first you filthy swine - dribble warm wax on her chest, and keep the window open so that your neighbors can hear the shrieks of pain and pleasure to come.

  2. Take her out, and by that I do NOT imply the movies or dinner, but something that will enhance the sexual tension…ever think about dancing, working out, wrestling baby seals…endorphins + sweat = good sex…

  3. Don’t just stand there, do something!

  4. Lubrication, not only makes your back-bone slide a little easier, but could also turn you into a great explorer of those plentiful deep dark cavities; think of Magellan, they told him it couldn’t be done.

  5. Alcohol tastes better on the skin of a woman, it seems to bring out the flavors (heightens the taste of the malt) and, purely coincidently, the mixture between the epidermal layer tissue and alcohol leads to a new aphrodisiac compound via fermentation. So my advice to young colts: pour some liquor on her and lick it up. Too bad for surly Sir Bender who hasn’t discovered the many facets of alcohol, apart from consumption for intoxication.

  6. Have a sex session, once a week, where you ONLY pleasure her needs. What does this mean? It means, the game isn’t over until the score reads, him: 0 her: 5.

  7. A bench press, to several, is a muscle builder and, to few, a cardiovascular device. It is the few who benefit.

  8. Make a back door pass, and I am not referring to a technical basketball term.

  9. Sushi, wine, and cunnilingus; the emphasis is on the latter.

  10. Seek out a friend whom is a virgin, ask him for advice on sex, and then perform the opposite.

Updated on the 1st and 15th of every month





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