Tips on seducing / picking up Montreal girls by Dr. Smooth

Updated on the 1st and 15th of every month

by Doctore Suave

Four hours ago I was, as usual, sitting at my desk and up to my teeth in banality. Then came a phone call that whisked me away from triteness to an island far away were the grass is green and the girls are pretty, that's right, to paradise city. My job was to deliver an undisclosed document to an unknown man, now imagine this predicament for a second...isn't it great!

My destination was Catania, Sicily; a university city that specializes in nightlife, gastronomy, fashion, and beautiful people - sounds a whole lot like Montreal.

Catanians, are of pure pedigree, and Catania (like Iceland) has a narrow gene pool that has produced some of the most beautiful men and women. The women infest the narrow cobblestone streets with their sexy swagger packed into a pair of homegrown Miss Sixty jeans. Their firepower is the unbelievably smooth midriff that casually shows, leaving the men, stunned in admiration that these fine creatures exist, and only have eyes for them - if only I could have photographed their bodies, for proof that sexy women exist outside of Montreal. Even the older women are sexy, they age to perfection - they remind me of a Ferrari on a full tank of high octane gas and ready to rip.

As for the men, well it is tough to look smooth amongst a crowd of Prada wearing mongrels on motorbikes ripping down streets, while yapping away on their cell phones.

But, it is the way of life that makes Catania cross the finish line first. To work is to live, to sleep is to have sex, and to drink is to enjoy. Why doesn't North America apply this doctrine? I like to think that we haven't evolved to that stage yet, we are still stuck at the "World Domination" and "So what, we are imperialist! What are you going to do about it?" stage. To make a parallel to the Italian evolution time line, we are similar to the Roman Empire; I guess we'll have to wait two thousand years before we can start enjoying life.

The politics and economics of Catania would make Marx and Hegel throw on their party hat and scream to the world "Our theory works! Our theory works!" Italy is as socialist as a country can get, but Catania, takes it to a whole different level. Everyone is poor and dressed like royalty, the greatest optical illusion I've seen since Copperfield married Claudia.

The nightlife scene reminds me of Dublin, pubs in abundance, serving Guinness and Kilkenny. Where is the Grappa and Lemoncello?...you could find those in coffee shops, next to the prosciutto. However, the clubs do get packed at the right night - a fun place to go and see fine Catanians bust out some fine moves to not so fine music.

"If Catania were a river, it would be warm and allow all fish to swim up river; and the source would be small, filled with nutrients that are conducive for a beautiful humble abode."
-- Dr. Smooth

"Nothing hotter than a browned eyed brunette with a tight pair of Diesel jeans - zipper in the back - with a motorbike helmet in hand. Ouch, somebody cool these burning loins of mine."
-- Dr. Smooth