Updated on the 1st and 15th of every month
I've come across some fanatical fetishes, but Dieppe has the most unique and utterly preposterous fetish I could have ever conceptualized. His last name will be kept anonymous for airline security reasons, but you can email me for more information pertaining to his whereabouts
So after learning about this mania, I scurried onto Air India and bolted to Calcutta where I found him in a valise market picking out his tools for the night of sexual bliss. I approached him, told him that I worked for the most prominent online nightlife magazine in North America, and so the interview began...
Dieppe: "Who are you working for?"
Dr.Smooth: "Montreal Clubs, a nightlife online magazine!"
Dieppe: "Sorry, never heard of you fucking bastards. Leave me alone, I'm trying figure out the size of this suitcase."
D.S.: "Yeah, about those suitcases, I was meaning to ask you...?"
Dieppe: "Who told you? Uhhhh, what I mean is that suitcases are used primarily for traveling purposes."
D.S.: "Bitch! Be cool! Here take 200 bucks and answer these fucking questions."
Dieppe agreed to my...uhhh...smooth negotiating skills, or tactics, whatever you would like to call such an absurd ploy involving a monetary transaction for information. So he took me to his very humbled abode, sat me down, stuffed moong dhall payasam down my throat. And then said...
Dieppe: "Yeah, so, basically..."
D.S.: "Just come out with it, man!"
Dieppe: "I like to stuff my girlfriend in a suitcase. She gets naked, curls up to the fine Corinthian leather; with her clothes neatly folded opposite to her...with...I'm so embarrassed to say this, with the toiletries resting in the crack of her ass. That's not all..."
D.S.: "I don't mean to interject, but you are a crazy man, man! I mean to think that you people came up with the Kama Sutra, and evolved to Kama Suitcasing, well...what is next, Condoleeza Rice having a sex change just so she can adjust her balls as she addresses the nation?...never mind I said that...go on!"
Dieppe: "So I light candles, and drink wine as she stays in the suitcase. I simulate how the suitcase would motion during takeoff, turbulence, and landing. Then I unzip the valise and then it is my turn to go in...after that we fuck...sorry...I mean copulate."
D.S.: "Wow, I don't think I have ever heard of such a stupid thing."
Dieppe: "Well, on a superficial level, one might suspect that such an act can be seen as preposterous and fanatical, as you put in the description of this article (How did he know that?). But, if you see beyond the obvious you'll find out that this act unmasks the true and innate psychological disturbances of women, not only Indian women, but all women. What do we put in suitcases? That's a rhetorical question...I'm sorry...it is just that I saw you thinking...anyways, enough digression...we in fact put objects in suitcases, more specifically personal belonging. So women, when they are stuffed in suitcases feel like objects, and women, want to feel like our personal sex toy that we use and dispose of. In the words of Peter Griffin "women are not people, they are devices built by our lord Jesus Christ for our entertainment".
D.S.: "You sick twisted genius. Damn, you are like some sort of evolved human specie who only thinks with his cock. Are there more like you? Is up da bummy still cool?"
Dieppe: "I believe a French Jewish American princess would put is like so: that is so passť. One more thing I forgot to mention, when she gets out of the suitcase, I like to decorate the room differently from when she went in, so it gives that new-city-new-place kind of feel. And if she's lucky I spin the suitcase around so she feels jet lagged."
D.S.: "That's not what jet lag feels like? Have you ever been on an airplane, wait you haven't, you sick bastard! That's it, this interview is over."
The doctor stormed out of the interview confused, disturbed, and wanting to take the next pretty girl he saw home with him in a suitcase!
Updated on the 1st and 15th of every month
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