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Updated on the 1st and 15th of every month


by Dr. Smooth

The year 2003 was anything but uneventful. It will be remembered for its global political atrocities, the decriminalization of marijuana (still waiting), the legalization of gay marriages, big prizes, emaciated rich heiress caught copulating on film, deadly global epidemics, and last but not least hating the Matrix.

I’ve compiled a list of the most and least significant events that occurred in Canada throughout the year.

Top 5 Most Significant Events of 2003
  1. The Montreal Grand Prix is back on track. I was worried for a bit because losing the Grand Prix in Montreal is like Pamela Anderson without implants; sure she has a nice face and ass, but without her tits, she’s only a whore with Hepatitis.

  2. Decriminalization of marijuana. Now instead of the police taking away your drugs, they get to take away your drugs AND slap you with a fine. Yippee!!!

  3. Just when we thought imperialists were extinct, they came back with a vengeance. The food for oil program is like trading your Pamela Anderson sex tapes for the Paris Hilton sex tape. Who wants to see a flat chick give head to a little punk on low quality TV when you can see a Canadian sex symbol get racked by a well endowed rock-and-roll icon?

  4. How the hell does democracy work? We went from a center-left regime to a center-right regime without any elections. Paul Martin better call a vote soon, or else the doctor is going to find out the filthy watering hole his wife gets tanked in and lay the smack down NDP style.

  5. The gradual fading of trucker caps. They didn’t bother me when they first came out two years ago, but now I think you’re a loser if you wear one. For fashions like that, there ought to be a governing body that decides who can wear it and only give permission to a few individuals to exercise that right. And my neighbor is not one of them!!! Take off your hat, please, for the sake of my health!!!
Top 5 Least Significant Events of 2003
  1. Metrosexuals are the least significant part of society. When the fuck did men become such pussies! Since when does a manicure, pedicure, and hair gel make you sexy! I can predict in 100 years, if this continues, we will only have one gender…and by my calculations, I’ll be dead, buried, and happy to have experienced my masculinity and its ability to make women horny.

  2. The Matrix trilogy. I say we retract all of the good things we said about the first one and give it a bad rating.

  3. The Expos leaving. They were already dead in my mind. I once loved them, but fate (or the evil corporate mongers) decided that baseball didn’t belong in a cultured town.

  4. Someone at my party drank my fine imported tequila from Mexico, without permission, and treated it like shots of Sour Puss…the tears are still falling from my face like snowflakes in a blizzard.

  5. New Year’s Eve parties.






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