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Don't let your friends steal the entire NYE spotlight from you.





Planning for New Years now made easier than planning for a wedding.


Updated on the 1st and 15 th of every month

by Dr. Smooth

After suffering through a quarter hour meeting with my ostentatious, and at times, callous editor, I needed a break. More specifically, a spring break, and where in Jesus' name shall I go? Speaking of Jesus, I will certainly not go to Jerusalem, especially in a time like this, when a neo-Christian zealot released an anti-Semitic film depicting the final struggles of a freedom fighter. Might I interject with my opinion, dude? The portrayal of the aristocratic Jews forcing Pontius Pilot to crucify Jesus was in fact not to benefit the Jewish state, but in fact, to oppress the uprising of the lower class. The suppression was also condoned by the wealthy Romans. So in fact, if this were the beginning of the so-called "documented history", from this point forth, history has repeated itself time after time, showing that the lower class uprising for equal rights was always suppress by denizens with power and wealth. But that is just like…my opinion, dude!

Enough of this pro-left garbage; let us get to the vacation destination of choice. Mont Ste-Anne. After convincing the establishment (Montreal-Clubs head office) to pony up the bones to cover the expenses, I knew it was time to kick it and rip it. There is no better way to commence the holiday than with a couple of cans of Coors Light on the bus ride down. However, I must confess, the idea of beer cans was inspired by a great Canadian mocumentary title FUBAR. After indulging excessively in the action "to shotgun", I took matters into my own hands, and sprinkled some salt and pepper on the bus trip by playing the game "if the world depended on it". We've all played this game, under different pseudonyms, but the idea is the same. The concept is clear like urine after a six pack, you have two choices, and the fate of the world depended on you performing one of those options. The game is best described by an example:

"If the world depended on it, would you rather slurp on a cup filled with dog urine or donkey sperm?"

Interesting, wouldn't you say? Well, after bringing incest into the friendly game, the imagery of the available choices caused nausea amongst the vacationers and bus driver.

Before this article exceeds its draconian-like-concept, the word count, there is one experience that I need to elaborate. The gondola incident. It all began when I decided that morning to "ride" with the snowboarders, seeing that I was one myself. After a couple of hours going up and down the mountain, the snowboarders decided that it was time to ride with an alternate state of mind. "Dude, I don't mean to rain on your parade, but how do we ride with an alternated state of mind, I mean, do you want me to pretend I'm a conservative?" I asked. The response was quick and clean, "We ride together, and we get high together."

On the way up in the gondola, a division of labor came forth, one guy closed the windows, the other guy got out the lighter, another finished creating the concoction, while the leader of the clan prepared and zip locked the fun stick. After swearing off fun for three years, I had no choice in the matter, because when the oxygen in the gondola would be replaced by carbon dioxide and delicious carcinogenic fumes, I knew that my three year tenure of being "non-cool" would end. And, ended, is exactly what happened. When I stepped out of the hot box into the pristine summit air, my state of mind changed, and I certainly wasn't thinking like a Conservative. On the first ride down the magically divine hill, I was riding high.







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