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Sat 29::gay roman
Sat 29::gay roman
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A Guide to Threesomes?

by Dr. Smooth

All aspects of the social framework that is embedded in our everyday life contain to a certain extent some behavioral etiquette. The etiquette that I am referring to is the practices and forms prescribed by social convention or by authority. I may or may not be an authority on all facets of social behavior but when it pertains to sex and its kin, in most elite circles, I am the law. So as the universally proclaimed sex bomb I pronounce, as I prefer to deem it, the "threesome etiquette manifesto." The doctrine, as you shall see, will provide both sexes with a set of codes that will enhance your already endowed experience…

Situation: 2 Women and 1 Man

  1. As the only male participant you must insure that the females are comfortable with each other. This can be achieved by abstaining from the action until they have discovered each other’s wonderland. This will allow them to forget about you and the stigma (…or pressure) in which the "threesome" brings forth.
  2. Enter the situation when you’ve heard each female moan at least once. The moaning indicates that the situation is non-hostile and that a friendly environment has arisen, which clearly requires another panting participant.
  3. Most important rule: view a threesome like a nine inning ball game and not a 40 yard dash. If you’re going to break the world record of premature ejaculation then you should claim your prize with Guinness, otherwise, when the pipes are about to burst nothing says "slow down" like cunnilingus (if you don’t know the term then look it up…it is well worth your effort).
  4. Do not force any participant to perform physical acts which render them uncomfortable…a tip to those who imperatively must have this "act" performed: booze is a great disinhibitor…you should make sure you bring some!
  5. No one should leave the party unsatisfied.
  6. If you can’t handle the heat…then get out of the kitchen…or bring a ten inch dildo, which will cool the situation quickly.
  7. A threesome should be viewed as a democratic communistic event…everyone votes and everyone is equal.
  8. Cuddling is not mandatory!
  9. Boasting phone calls to friends should be executed post act and in privacy from other participants…these calls will inevitably arise so don’t be shocked if your secret sessions are made public…who knows maybe the outbreak will provoke more invitations.
  10. Spread the wealth on the "money shot"…see rule number 7.

Situation: 1 Woman and 2 Men

Most of the rules aforementioned apply to this situation however there are additional rules that must be enforced.

  1. As the only female participant you must clearly state which orifices are exempt from the event.
  2. As the two male participants you must clearly state which orifices are exempt from the event.
  3. For the woman, make sure you get satisfied.
  4. Lubrication is your friend.
So there it is, the doctrine has been laid out in print and is subjected to revisions, therefore if you have any rules that need to be added, then you can contact me and I’ll be pleased to update the "threesome etiquette manifesto."




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