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Don't let your friends steal the entire NYE spotlight from you.

Why wait? Plan your New Years early.

by Naomi Lee

It doesn't matter who you are, bathrooms (especially for women) are the ultimate equalizers. You can't push your way to the front, you can't bribe your way past the bouncer, you certainly can't cut in line (you can try but you'll get resistance/berated).

Women love going to the bathroom in twos and threes. And no, they don't need help wiping their asses.

Women congregate in there to dish about the boys, conspire, then put their hands in a circle and yell 'break', only to go back out on the dance and conspicuously rub their asses into your groins. (it's a party trick they learned in the bathroom) Sometimes they go together to swap the usage of products like lip gloss or coke. But most of the time the primary intention of groupage bathroomage is to gossip about men. Or boys.

Bathrooms are the best places to see shit (no pun intended) go down. Girls get into cat fights and throw down like Julie Brown over some loser guy who drinks from the pitcher. I love it when you get to see a spoiled princess puke all over her sequined BCBG dress. Sequins man, they're a bitch to clean.

Not all bathroom trips are unfortunate. You could run into an old school mate. You could make a new friend. I mean, bathroom camaraderie is at it's highest when there's no tissue. Most girls wouldn't give up a bus seat for little old ladies but they'll sure pass along a wad of TP just for that desperate girl at the end. No one wants a stink pooch.

But speaking of running into's hard to maneuver your way out of a bad situation when you've run into your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend, or better yet, your current boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. Or even better, that dirty slut (not just the normal slut) your boyfriend cheat on with. Those encounters are greeeeeeeeeeeat.

More over, we'll touch briefly on bathrooms for men. A man's bathroom is a woman's plan B. Only if absolutely necessary will a woman go into a man's bathroom. They reek of urine and homophobia. They spend minimal time in the bathroom. If they are gone for more than 5 minutes it's because they're doing drugs or are getting a blow job. Men bathrooms are NOT a place of leisure, it's not fun time. There's slim chance for chit chat, little to no eye contactage and there's definitely no "do you need help holding your dick while peeing?"...most men I know decline; they can hold their own dicks, thank you very much.

Everyone's in the bathroom to do some biz-ness. Drunkards try to have sloppy sex, the wait staff are taking hits, gold diggers are reapplying their make up like post haste because they won't want their dates to see the god forbid, real them. Bathrooms are like 5 distinctly functional rooms all rolled into one. You can sleep/pass out in there. You can fuck/suck in here. You can eat/drink in there. You can entertain/flirt in there. And most certainly you can start a party up in there.

So the next time you're at a lameo club, just run to the bathroom. Soon enough people will follow is see what the commotion is all about. Because people are just nosy like that.

Archived Articles :: [ALL archived articles here]
St-Patricks Day
The birth and death of theme parties
Kick start 2005 in style :: a New Years Eve guide
Gogo ads to ringtones, the craze is on
Why I will really miss the Expos
The Right to Come and Go
Little Dicks
Bathroom Shakedown
Gay Till Proven Straight
Orange Day
MiMi…ME! ME!
The Camel Goes South To North
Letter From China
Why The World Is A Better Place With German Women
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Germans
When Needs Exceed Wants New Years Eve Party Guide
A Dark Hall Illuminated by Voice
Japan, The Alien Planet
Smoking is No Longer a Vice in the Modern World
West Eats East
Lee and Norton Give Hollywood a Black Eye
Designer Collections
Montreal Events in August
Virtual Encounter
Le Grand Prix Air Canada (The Big Prize)
May Culture
Summer Oasis
Montreal Promoters - Malik Shaheed
Montreal Festivals