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by Dr. Smooth

Do you look good? Are you hot or not? Well, your shallow insecurities can be subdued because the Internet has provided us with websites that allow people to rate your appearance. So after years of self diagnosis and reassurance by others, my narcissistic personality disorder has propelled me to open an account with www.doyoulookgood.com, so that other people can appreciate my beauty, a truly selfless act.

Doyoulookgood.com is a service over the Internet that builds a database which contains information (hobbies, interests, and photos) about other online socialites. To some, those that are diagnosed with severe paranoia, this might be intruding. However, I, like many others, feel that this website presents an innovative method for meeting people. It is analogous to a menu in a restaurant; you can read a description about the various dishes and then choose the one that pertains to your taste. So, in a nutshell, the Internet has turned the world into a menu with different types of flavors and spices…ummmm…I’ll take the half Spanish, half Swedish chick with the two large scoops of ice cream, please.

Below is a list on how to increase your virtual encounter bandwidth (…and setting up an account).

Post pictures of yourself and not your idol, please refrain from submitting Todd Bertuzzi photos (wait, that’s my idol).
Avoid non-subtle sexual innuendo. If this is not avoided then:
1. Men: your inbox will be vast and empty, kind of like the Mojave Desert, and your sex life will parallel that of a starving leper in Calcutta.
2. Women: you will have one million new messages from sleazy horny males…good for you; you’ve accomplished your goal as a woman, online ho.
If you have a nice body, show it in your photo. Nobody can tell if you have a six pack based on your national fly fishing gold medal.
Make sure your significant other doesn’t have the password to your account, actually make sure they have no idea about your account. You heard it here first!
Spelling mistakes are not a turn on.
Franglais is not a language.
Pose on a motorcycle, makes you look dangerous (or pathetic, there is a fine line between the two but it is worth walking).
Never end your description with a famous Italian salutation i.e. Ciao.
We don’t care if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and you’re doing this for fun, tell the truth, you don’t wear the pants in the relationship and your boyfriend/girlfriend is supervising your account and most probably running your life. What you need to do is assert yourself and state the following: I am a person and I am free to make my own decisions…try it…it helps.

The www.doyoulookgood.com also has some interesting features: rate people, view the 100 hottest males and females, chat rooms, contests, etc. If you search long enough, you’ll find a picture of the Dr. Smooth himself (…or is that Todd Bertuzzi).