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The perfect St-Patrick's Sunday by Erjy Kolaskin

Don't let NYE catch you with your pants down.

Don't let your friends steal the entire NYE spotlight from you.

Jennifer Aniston never really liked leprechauns.
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In case you didn't already know, St-Patrick's is a big deal in Montreal. Since 1824, we've had a St-Patrick's parade in Montreal every year. That means 188 years in a row of getting trashed. This is no joke.

Having a good St-Patrick's day isn't hard: just get a couple of cans of Guinness from the closest depaneur, head to the parade, and chill there.

Having the perfect St-Patrick's Sunday is a different ball-game: it requires careful planning and training.

The training you must do all year long. It might be long, but all that is required of you is to drink beer. St-Patrick's isn't the Olympics, training for it can be fun, as long as you don't train too much and harm your health.

The planning, you'll get it here. We can't promise the mythical "perfect", but we think this is pretty close.

The breakfast

Like any competitive event, you have to start the St-Patrick's Sunday early in the morning. What best for performing all day than getting a big breakfast. Head to the Irish Embassy (the bar, not the political residence), and get yourself a traditional Irish breakfast. Those obviously include a healthy dose of Guinness to was down the food (there is no such thing as "starting too early" on St-Patrick's).

The parade

After your healthy breakfast, head to the closes depanneur (corner-store) and get yourself a large number of Guinness cans. Armed with those life-saving supplies, just go on St-Catherine street and wait for the parade (believe me, you won't be able to stand the parade if your not already pretty buzzed).

After the parade

After the parade, look for large groups of youth, students or otherwise intoxicated people, and join them. If you're lucky, the group you join might be a student protest against the tuition fees' hike. Keep on drinking, and wait for the police to show up. Once they do, use your judgment to decide when is the appropriate time to disperse. Make sure you have you're friends cell phone numbers, so you can find themafter you all run-away in different directions.

After after the parade

If you're still not in police custody by early evening, then you've made it, and you deserve to go take a break, by drinking more at O'Regan's Pub (1224 Bishop street), which is one the most authentic Irish pubs in Montreal, and will probably have some realy good live Irish music.

After the pub

By now it should still be really early (like 9PM), but you should be finished. Head home and hit the sack. Make sure you drink a lot of water before passing-out, you'll thank me the day after.

That is it. You don't need more than this to have the best St-Patties parade ever; trust me. This knowledge has been built over countless years of practicing St-Patrick's.

This isn't a joke, this movie was made!

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